253 replies to this topic

[spectre2300]

Mewthree1989, on 26 September 2010 - 11:28 AM, said:

You just had to delay the final battle for another chapter, didn't you.

Of course I did ;)

[spectre2300]

Final Boss OST:


Chapter 35: End of Nightmares


Date: November 5, 3758 AD, 12:05AM
Location: Nords Castle: Audience Chamber

Lamia saw the fire in Brenin’s eyes as he fiercely approached her. She stood up and cautiously stepped backwards. Brenin could see that she had on a battle suit.

“Somehow I knew you would get to me Brenin. It seems fitting that you and I are about to do battle.” Lamia said.

“I find it fitting and proper that it will end this way. Get down here Lamia. It’s time for the main event! It is time to answer for all that you have done to plunge this world into ruin.” Brenin said. He drew his sword and pointed it at her.

Lamia stepped forward and took a deep breath. “Brenin, try to understand. They tried to deny me my rightful place among The Council. My family held me back. If they would not allow me to have what I was destined to have, then I feel that it is only proper to take it. Answer me Brenin. What have I done wrong? I wished to have my spot on The Council. It was denied me so I chose to take it back by force. Is that really so wrong? Many call me a monster but good and evil are not so very clear cut in this world.” Lamia said. Brenin paused to consider Lamia’s words as well as come up with a reply.

“I never thought I’d say this but I agree with you. Good and evil are not always clear cut. But sometimes they are. Your mother’s love for you drove her to shield you from being taken from her. But you were not able to accept this truth and instead carved out your own reality where something was taken from you. Thanks to this alternate reality in your mind, you have killed countless people, destroyed towns and cities, sold off as slaves countless people and pushed the world to the brink of chaos once again. The line between good and evil may be blurry at times, but it does not take a genius to figure out which side you are on. You belong in Hell, Lamia Libitina! I have come to make sure you get there!”

Lamia sighed. “I now have no choice. I refuse to be taken in this place. I shall dispose of you. Once I kill you I shall escape this island and rebuild my army. I will reclaim my rightful place as ruler of the world. Any who oppose me shall die.” Lamia reached underneath the throne and pulled out a sword. “Brenin, do not think for a minute I do not know how to use one of these. Plus I have a special suit. It allows me to do this!” Lamia leapt into the air and moved around the room at a speed that was faster than humanly possible. She appeared to be sliding. She stopped in front of the throne and pointed her sword at Brenin.

“My suit has a built in turbo accelerator. I can outrun you. This is it Brenin. One of us is about to die. HAVE AT YOU!” Lamia screamed. She dashed at Brenin and with that the battle for the world itself had begun.

Brenin anticipated Lamia’s movement and stepped out of the way. She missed with her dashing stab. Brenin tried to swing his sword at her but she dashed away. She was able to move faster, but not so fast that Brenin could not see her. She slid back in for another attack. Brenin parried but was knocked backwards by the force of her swing. Lamia dashed for another strike but Brenin caught her. He stepped to one side and grabbed her by the hair. He then pulled her to the wall and slammed her face into the wall repeatedly. He followed this up by throwing her to the ground. The look on Brenin’s face indicated that he was enjoying the pain he was causing her.

“That was for my aunt and uncle and I’ve got plenty more where that came from! GET UP!” Brenin screamed. Lamia slowly stood up. Her face was bruised and bloody. Her mouth was bleeding slightly. She had dropped her sword when she was slammed but still had her suit’s accelerator. She charged at Brenin and hit him in the stomach with an elbow. The force caused him to double over in pain and eventually stumble. Lamia then went to retrieve her sword. Brenin’s adrenaline kicked on and he recovered. He pulled out his kanabo and sized up Lamia again. He saw her dash in for a stab. He prepared by jumping backwards, forcing Lamia to stop short of him. He then stepped forward and swung for her ribcage. She parried to one side and punched Brenin in the face. He staggered backwards and she slashed at him. She cut into his armor but did not penetrate it. She slashed again but Brenin countered and struck her in the stomach with the club. He then hit her in the side of the ribs to knock her down.

“That was for Mardella. She was a sweet and innocent girl who did not deserve to die. Get up Lamia! I’m not even close to being done with you!” Brenin screamed. His body began to ache once more. Lamia rolled onto her stomach and picked herself back up. She grabbed her blade and raised it just in time to parry a swing from Brenin. As their weapons clashed and locked together they could see the fire and intensity in each other’s eyes.

“Where did you learn to fight this well?” Brenin asked.
“You think my cousin didn’t teach me a few tricks after all these years?” Lamia replied. She broke the lock and elbowed Brenin in the chest, further injuring his weak ribs. He stepped backwards and clutched his chest. Lamia approached to thrust. Brenin blocked it and slashed at her abdomen. She winced as the blade cut into her suit and her flesh. The suit constricted to reduce the damage and the nanopaste quickly sealed the gash. Lamia shook off the wound and charged in again. Brenin ducked her swing and kicked out her legs. She stumbled and fell. Brenin tried to punch but Lamia rolled away. She stood back up, put his sword away and drew his kanabo again.

“That was for Katarina and Chevez. They both wish they could be giving you this beating! It was also for Christoph Erdman, who gave his life trying to defeat you.” Brenin growled. He and Lamia sized each other up. Even with the accelerator, Lamia was beginning to slow down. She dashed again to slash. Brenin blocked with the club but she swung with enough force to knock it out of his hands. She swung for his head. He grabbed her hands and tried to pull the sword from her. They struggled for a short while. Brenin hit Lamia with a head butt. Her hands slipped and she lost the sword. Brenin stepped backwards as well as his head felt stunned. He paused to recover. Lamia stood back up. She grinned. She retreated towards the throne. Reaching underneath it, she pulled out a kanabo of her own.

“You’re good Brenin. But let’s see you dodge this one!” Lamia cried out. She dashed in to swing. Brenin dodged away and swung at Lamia’s spine. She screamed in pain and dropped to her knees. Brenin struggled to lift the cub again. His ribs were once again in extreme pain. Lamia spun around and swung at Brenin. She hit him in the side of the stomach just below the ribs. Brenin stumbled and fell onto his back. Lamia took time to catch her breath. She wiped away the blood from her face and smiled seductively. “Looks like your luck is finally running out.” Lamia said. Brenin slowly stood back up. He closed his right fist tightly and smiled. Lamia could not see it but he held the Electromagnetic Pulse device that Katarina had given him.

“This next one is for my Karin and my Rebecca. You’ll never again harm any of us after this one. I suggest you repent Laim! Your end is at hand!” Brenin said. He pressed the red button on the device. He ran towards Lamia and tossed the device towards her. It bounced harmlessly off of her chest. At that moment the pulse went off. She could not see it but a wave of electromagnetic energy was released. It scrambled all of the sensors in her suit, rendering them permanently scrambled beyond repair.

Lamia looked concerned. “What was that? Surely that was some kind of trick?” She said.

Brenin nodded. “I just hit you with an EMP. Your suit has been turned off. From here on in, this is all for my own self gratification.” He explained and then cracked his knuckles. “Oh I am gonna enjoy this!” He said sadistically.

Lamia tried to dash but her suit was deactivated. She could only move at her normal pace. Panic and fear set in on her face. She cowered in fear of Brenin. “No! NO! GET AWAY!” She screamed as Brenin slowly marched towards her. She swung her kanabo at him wildly but missed. He ducked underneath one swing and grabbed her by her throat. With all the force he could generate, Brenin threw Lamia to the ground. He then knelt down on her chest and punched her in the face repeatedly. All the while he was screaming like a madman. He finally pulled her up and pulled out his knife. He held her at arm’s length. Lamia at this point was too badly wounded to fight back. He stabbed her in the kidneys three times. The suit served as little more than the Kevlar that he was wearing as far as armor went. Brenin finally released her and took several deep breaths to calm down.

Lamia took two steps and then fell.

Brenin held his knife closely and rolled Lamia onto her back. She was still breathing but he could tell she was near death’s door.
“All right Brenin. You win. You win Brenin. Just finish me off. But know this. Even if justice was not on my side, I will NEVER admit that it was on yours.” She slowly said as blood flowed from her mouth.

“Like you said; good and evil are not so very clear cut. Justice is a matter of perspective. But it’s not hard to figure out which side you are on.” Brenin said.

“Regardless, I look forward to our next meeting. I’ll see you in Hell!” Lamia struggled to say.

Brenin curtly shook his head. “I would rather go to Heaven than see you again!” He sternly said. With a sense of supreme finality, He drove his knife several more times into Lamia’s chest and stomach. She writhed slowly ad the blood continued to flow and then there was nothing. She stopped twitching completely. Lamia Libitina, The Snake Queen, was dead.

Brenin collapsed on the ground next to Lamia. He laid there for what seemed like eternity. He eventually heard footsteps in the halls making their way towards the audience chamber. He could faintly hear Katarina calling his name. Finally, she and a few soldiers entered the chamber and discovered the aftermath of the fight. The soldiers were carrying cameras and recording equipment. They stopped in front of Brenin and Lamia’s bodies and recorded for several minutes.

“Good! Get that all on video. Once we show Theris, he’ll surely surrender. Brenin, are you all right?” Katarina said. She knelt down beside him to check his vital signs. He was alive but barely conscious.

“I got her Katarina. It’s over. Lamia is dead.” Brenin weakly said.
“Absolutely amazing Brenin, praise God! I left Jensen in charge outside. When we lost radio contact with you I figured you used the EMP charge. So I brought a small team in with me. The castle is clear.” She said. Just then her radio went off.

“Commander, this is Jensen. We’ve just received word from Theris that he wishes to discuss terms of surrender. What are your orders? Over.” He said.
“Wait until I get back. We’ve got footage here he, as well as the entire world needs to see. Brenin’s mission was a success. Over.”

“Copy that Commander. Jensen Out.” Jensen said.

“You hear that Brenin? The enemy is surrendering. Rejoice and raise the victory call! We have won!” Katarina excitedly said.
“That’s nice. First things first, could someone get me to a hospital?” Brenin replied.

Edited by spectre2300, 02 October 2010 - 07:32 PM.

[namesake]

This was fresh and I liked the whole situation better because of that. Also I got to see lamia use a turbo accelerator which was cool. I mean I've never thought that sort of thing would give her a tactical advantage. Not to mention the whole tone was good in that it was conflicting and the dialogue was full of tension. I liked the special exchanges between lamia and brenin in the final fight. I think you didn't break the checklist, thanks for doing that you didn't need to do anything but looks like I liked this a lot if that was done.This was the best chapter of the whole fic in my opinion. Good climax. This shows a lot of promise, I hope you keep up the good writing. This chapter will show that you can write excellent at times.

[epsilon217]

I agree with much of what namesake said. However, the turbo accelerator didn't seem to provide her with much of an advantage. I guess she should have focused more on her fencing skills.

“All right Brenin. You win. You win Brenin. Just finish me off. But know this. Even if justice was not on my side, I will NEVER admit that it was on yours.” She slowly said as blood flowed from her mouth.

You really do like that line don't you?

[spectre2300]

I know,, but it's a really good line!

And remember: Lamia never was very smart

[Mewthree1989]

November 5 is really a significant day for you, isn't it? The day of liberation from tyranny! I love V for Vendetta myself, though the graphic novels more than the movie.

The fight was well choreographed. Lamia wasn't much of a challenge. Brenin kept pounding her to the ground and waiting for her to get up. It really made her look pathetic. But that makes sense for the kind of villain she is; a spoiled tyrant who lets others do the dirty work. The fight did achieve a sense of finality since Brenin got to declare every person he was avenging as he smashed her.


I find it odd that Lamia and some of your other villains believe in Christianity when they clearly know that they are evil. If I knew I was evil, I wouldn't believe in a religion that would condemn me or have a religion at all. I guess it makes sense in Lamia's case since she thought she was justified in some twisted logic. It's like you said Spectre, she's not very smart.

[spectre2300]

Mewthree1989, on 03 October 2010 - 03:07 PM, said:

November 5 is really a significant day for you, isn't it? The day of liberation from tyranny! I love V for Vendetta myself, though the graphic novels more than the movie.

The fight was well choreographed. Lamia wasn't much of a challenge. Brenin kept pounding her to the ground and waiting for her to get up. It really made her look pathetic. But that makes sense for the kind of villain she is; a spoiled tyrant who lets others do the dirty work. The fight did achieve a sense of finality since Brenin got to declare every person he was avenging as he smashed her.


I find it odd that Lamia and some of your other villains believe in Christianity when they clearly know that they are evil. If I knew I was evil, I wouldn't believe in a religion that would condemn me or have a religion at all. I guess it makes sense in Lamia's case since she thought she was justified in some twisted logic. It's like you said Spectre, she's not very smart.

I really like this assessment:

1. yeah I'm a sucker for V for Vendetta myself. PoV 4 was basically one giant reference to it. From hwat i read in the graphic novels they seemed to be really good but i guess they would have made the movie too long.

2. That's basically what I aimed for. Lamia having a turbo accelerator was her way of evening the score. She may have fought better than Brenin had expected her to, but still she wasn't a match for him With no one to save her, she was nothing. Look to the scene after he throws the EMP charge.

3. My own belief is that alot of my villians are those who do not believe that they have done anything wrong, or at least they haven't done something so bad that they would be Damned. Maybe it's the misguided altruist theme working but it seems common. That and I am a big fan of Dante's Inferno

Edited by spectre2300, 03 October 2010 - 05:45 PM.

[spectre2300]

It seems sad to have finally finished this.

Final OST:

Chapter 36: Epilogue: All Made Right Once Again


Date: November 5, 3758AD, 2:00AM
Location: Arsborg General Hospital, Patient Bedroom

Brenin was taken to Arsborg General Hospital. The Resistance Army had set up there to tend to their wounded. He was taken into emergency surgery. He had suffered seven broken ribs and suffered serious internal damage. It took several injections of both bone regrowth and blood clotting agents to stabilize him. He was then taken into a room to rest. Brenin shared the room with Chevez, who by now was in good spirits and nearly fully recovered. Citizens of Dorete had begun trickling back into the country.

Following the death of Lamia, Theris met with Katarina to discuss terms of surrender. With her death, he was now the highest ranking officer in the entire Libitina Army.
He saw the footage of Lamia’s lifeless body and saw that the cause was no longer with fighting. Theris announced not only his own surrender, but the world wide surrender of all Libitina Forces. His speech was broadcast around the world and everywhere it was heard there were great celebrations and dancing in the streets. The remnants of her forces lost their morale quickly and began to surrender on their own or were taken over by local resistance forces. Theris met with Katarina the next morning to make the surrender official. Theris was gracious in defeat as he signed the surrender terms and even offered Katarina a hug, which she accepted.

Brenin and Chevez remained in their hospital room and watched the surrender on television. Both felt somewhat upset that they could not be there in person.

“I can’t believe this! This is the single biggest thing to ever happen in the history of the world. We helped make it happen and where are we? We’re laid up in a hospital while Kat gets to be right there in the spotlight. Man this sucks!” Chevez lamented. Brenin stirred in his bed. He had on his pants and his chest was bandaged up heavily.

“Chevez, if I wasn’t so strung out on painkillers, I’d whack you in the face with my bedpan. Shut up and just let me rest! That big dude really did a number on me.” Brenin said.

“Come on Brenin. Don’t you feel just a little bit upset that you couldn’t be there with her instead of here?” Chevez asked.

“Yeah, a bit I guess.” Brenin weakly said before falling asleep again.

Several hours later a doctor entered the room to check on them. He looked over Chevez first. He saw that Chevez was able to walk around and was cleared to be released in just a few hours. Brenin’s ribs were mending but he would still need to remain in the hospital overnight. As he left he received a call on his radio. He stepped outside to answer it. Brenin and Chevez could not hear him. The doctor stepped back inside.

“Gentlemen it looks like you have visitors.” The doctor said. He stepped back out and allowed Katarina to enter the room. She was accompanied by Queen Angelique and Erika Rathnait.

“Brenin, Chevez! How are you two holding up? I’m so sorry you couldn’t be there at the surrender.” She asked. Chevez slowly sat up in his bed. He saluted carefully.
“Forgive me for not showing the proper respects Your Majesty. I am not full strength. The doctors said I will be ready to leave by tonight. Still, it is good to see you and Erika are both alive and well.” He said.

“It is quite all right Commander Chevez. Thanks to you and your heroic actions, I still have a country to govern and Erika still is with us. Dorete can and will be rebuilt. Of course the real issue lies in the fact that our secret is out. The world knows of our existence now. I think we are going to have to get rid of our electromagnetic barriers. I hope we can still remain with our society in tact as it was before the war. It will not be easy, but Erika and I will be working with the rest of The Council on this one. Plus there are sure to be some enemies that do not wish to give up. I think Erika and the new Council will be able to handle that however.” Queen Angelique said.

Erika turned her attention to Brenin. “Brenin, you have done a great service to us all. So have you Chevez and you as well Katarina. Your names shall be remembered forever as the ones who beat Lamia and saved the world. On behalf of my comrades, I am ever grateful to all three of you.” She said.

“Don’t thank us without thanking the men. They did a lot of fighting with us. Without them we could not have won.” Brenin said. He struggled to sit up and clutched his ribs. “Ow! That really hurts! My ribs are still very sore from the regeneration process.”

“You’re quite a fighter Brenin. We almost lost you in surgery. You lost consciousness and your pulse dropped to near zero for a few minutes. We thought we had gotten to you too late.” The doctor said.

Brenin paused for a moment to think. “Come to think of it I do remember the feeling like I had crossed over. I don’t remember seeing anything. I just heard a voice telling me it wasn’t my time yet. I woke up in here in extreme pain. Breaking ribs is not fun.” Brenin said.

“Regardless, welcome back my friend. That reminds me. When we got here, the entire lobby was beginning to smell like cherries.” Katarina said with a soft smile. Brenin’s eyes lit up with happiness. “My Karin is here?” He asked.

“She was walking with Rebecca but yes. I guess having a toddler at your side slows you down.” Katarina replied. She stepped out of the room and looked down the hallway. “HEY SISTER, ARE YOU COMING OR WHAT?” She shouted.

“HOLD ON! I HAVE A BABY WITH ME!” Came Karin’s reply from across the hall. Katarina lingered in the doorway while she waited for Karin and Rebecca to arrive. Karin held Rebecca’s hand as they slowly made their way down the hall to the room where everyone was.

“Come on. You’re doing great! We’re almost there. There’s Auntie Katarina.” Karin whispered into Rebecca’s ear as they walked to the doorway. Katarina stepped in to pick up the baby but Karin stopped her. “Let her see Brenin first? Please.” She said. Katarina nodded and Karin led Rebecca into the room. Brenin’s eyes instantly shifted their attention to his wife and daughter. Rebecca had a full head of hair now and was noticeably bigger. He smiled at the dress with the unicorn graphic on it. He saw Karin, dressed in a dark green sweater, black pencil skirt and her black boots. His heart lit up with joy as she looked like the vision of beauty he was so accustomed to.

Karin knelt down and whispered into Rebecca’s ear. “Look who it is! There’s your daddy!” She said pointing at Brenin. Rebecca giggled happily and raised her hands.

Brenin summoned his strength and stood up. “Hey there Little One! I remember you. Of course you weren’t quite so big the last time I saw you!” He happily said. He picked up Rebecca and held her. His ribs hurt again but he endured it anyway.
“Karin, she got so big! It’s like I can’t tell if she is a baby or a small child. She’s so beautiful.” Brenin said. Karin smiled and then sternly crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“That’s nice but what about me? No hug, no kiss, what am I chopped liver? I know you hate chopped liver.” Karin then spoke aloud to everyone. “You know he hates chopped liver because not even MY cooking could get him to like it.” She said.

“I know Karin, I know. You’re the greatest cook ever. Remember, humility is a virtue.”
Brenin said. Karin motioned for Brenin to step outside with her.
“If everyone will excuse me, my wife wants some privacy. Here you go Auntie. Can you hold her?” Brenin said handing Rebecca to Katarina.

“With pleasure! Hi there baby! You remember your Auntie Katarina don’t you?” Katarina said taking Rebecca into her arms. Meanwhile Karin led Brenin outside. Once they were out of the way of anyone’s view, Karin threw her arms around Brenin and hugged him.

“My love!” She exclaimed. Brenin remained silent and stroked her back. She smelled like cherries. “Welcome home Brenin! I missed you so much!” Karin said.
“And I missed you too sweetheart. Thank God for Katarina, her support and leadership helped us all get through the war. I cannot wait to get home to be with you and Rebecca. By the way, how is the house?” Brenin asked.

“The front windows were smashed and the roof needs some work but it is nothing we cannot fix.” Karin said.
“How is your hand?” Brenin asked. He took Karin’s hand and examined her palm. There was a small mark, roughly the size of a pinhead on her left palm. This was the remnant of the scar from her accident.

“It’s ok now, but when I cut myself I can’t tell you how bad it hurt. The doctors said the scar should be gone in another week or two.” Karin said.
“That cherry syrup was amazing. What did you put in it? It saved my life.” Brenin asked.
Karin smiled. “I figured it might come in handy at some point. When Katarina and Chevez came over last time and I made the reindeer steaks, I made a stop on the way home from the butcher. I went to the doctor and he gave me a mixture of nutrients, blood clotting agents, mental stimulants, and some bone regrowth. I added cherry syrup to give it flavor. It was designed to help you in times of trouble. I guess it worked.” Karin explained. She then grabbed Brenin by his bandages and pulled him in for a kiss. It was a moment of absolute bliss for both of them. Nothing else mattered to either of them except being in each other’s arms and locking their lips together.

Brenin spoke first once they let go. “I love you Karin.” He softly said.
“And I you, Brenin my love.” Karin’s smiled happily. “And you’re all mine now!” She took Brenin back inside the room.

“I see you are back. I wanted to inform you Brenin that tomorrow evening I am inviting you, Chevez, and Katarina to the castle for a state dinner as well as to confer your rewards. You will be granted the full citizenship you desired. So shall you Miss Gerhold. After all you are the daughter of a Doretian.” Queen Angelique said.

Katarina was speechless. “My…My Queen I am honored. I thank you most kindly.” She said. Erika and Queen Angelique both said their goodbyes and exited the room. As they left, they were met by Lars Baaning, who entered after they departed.

“I hope I am not disturbing anyone.” He said. Katarina instantly welled up with tears and flung herself onto him.

“Dad! Oh Dad! I’m so happy you are here! It’s over finally! This war is over. Now we can finally be a family again. Tell me, can I take classes online with St. Gregory’s?” Katarina said in between her sobs of joy. Mr. Baaning held her gently.

“It’s all right my child. I am so very proud of you. I finally feel redeemed for the mistake I made so many years ago.” He said. Katarina stepped back and took his hands.
“Dad, it wasn’t a mistake. It was not your fault. It was the fault of my mother’s selfish act. Still if not for that I would not have been able to fight Lamia and save everyone. Dad, you don’t have to kick yourself anymore about it.” She said. Mr. Baaning was silent. He just smiled.

“Father I do not mean to be rude, but I want everyone over for a welcome home dinner. Since our house needs some repairs, can we do it at your house?” Karin asked. Mr. Baaning reached out and pulled Karin close with one hand, and Katarina with the other. He looked as happy as he possibly could be now that he had both of his daughters back.

The rest of the day passed without incident. The doctors cleared Chevez to leave the hospital that night. Brenin remained as the doctors wanted to make sure his ribs were regenerating properly. The next morning that saw that he was sturdy enough to walk and be comfortable. They released Brenin from their care. He was escorted by the queen’s guards to Nords Castle where he, Chevez, and Katarina were all honored by Queen Angelique in a small ceremony. She declared all three to be full fledged citizens of The Kingdom of Dorete and were entitled to all the rights and privileges of any other citizen. They were each awarded The Doretian Medal of Honor, Dorete’s highest honor. After this ceremony was over, Queen Angelique invited the three to join her for a dinner at the castle. It was a private affair for just the three plus Karin. The next day was the one Brenin truly looked forward to most of all. He finally got to return to his home. The damage to the front was harsh, but it all could be repaired. He stayed only to put away his belongings, shower and change clothes. He then went across to St. Gregory’s to Mr. Baaning’s house. Karin was already hard at work cooking. She was preparing salmon cakes and crab legs.

Katarina and Chevez both arrived at Mr. Baaning’s house and were greeted by the aroma of Karin’s cooking. Katarina instantly went into the kitchen to see what Karin was making.

“Sister, you made it! Take a look at all of this. You are going to absolutely love my salmon cakes. I got the fish fresh this morning. I’m also making crab legs. I heard an interesting recipe where you pour wine into the boiling pot. I think I’m going to try it tonight.” Karin said. She reached into a shopping bag and pulled out a bottle of sherry wine. She carefully opened the bottle and poured about half of it into the pot of boiling water. She then added some lemon pepper and various other spices. Karin then took a large tray of crab legs and carefully dropped them into the pot to boil. She then went back to her bowl of crumpled up salmon. She began rolling up the fish into small patties and placing them into a frying pan to cook.

“It all looks amazingly good Karin. I can’t wait till it is done. I’ll be outside with everyone else.” Katarina said. She gave Karin a hug and exited to the living room. Brenin, Chevez, Mr. Baaning, and Whilhelm were all sitting and talking. Brenin had Rebecca on his lap. Katarina walked up to Brenin and looked at him sternly.

“All right…hand her over!” Katarina demanded. Brenin handed the baby to her and Katarina held Rebecca’s hand as they walked around the house together. “Oh look at you learning to walk. You are becoming such a big girl now aren’t you? Look at me everyone. Big tough Katarina got turned to ooze at the sight of a baby!” She exclaimed.

Karin came out a few minutes later with a tray of salmon cakes. She set them down and went back to the bowl of crab legs. Finally she brought out some steamed vegetables and a small bowl of cherry syrup.

“All right. I just have to go and change clothes. Everyone can take their seats now. I’d like to hold hands with Brenin and Katarina during the blessing if I may.” Karin said. Everyone came to the table and took their seats. Whilhelm got a pitcher of water and a bottle of blackberry mead. Karin returned a few minutes later wearing a solid black T-shirt, a black pencil skirt with a cross graphic on one leg, and black stockings with matching heels.

Karin took her seat, joined hands with Brenin and Katarina, closed her eyes and began her prayer. “Let us pray. Almighty God, we are eternally grateful for You bringing us all back together for this meal. Bless this family and keep us safe so that we may enjoy future gatherings like this. Amen!” She said. Everyone then helped themselves to the food.

“Karin, this is all delicious. I may request this next time I come over here.” Katarina said in between bites.

“Well, I’ll do my best but you may have some surprises. I hope we’ll see you for Christmas this year.” Karin said.
“Sister I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I would love to spend Christmas with all of you. The Midwest is my home and I want to go back there, but you are my family and I will come visit you. Chevez, you can come if you want. I’m sure no one will mind.” Katarina said.

“Of course you are welcome with us anytime Chevez. You’re a great man and it was a pleasure to fight with you.” Brenin said.

“Well, I’ll have to see with my schedule. I hear there are a lot of people back home that want to rub elbows with me. It would be nice to come back here. Dorete is so beautiful.” Chevez said.

“Oh, I have good news Katarina. Tomorrow the Director of Admissions wants to meet with you about setting up an online program for you.” Mr. Baaning said. Katarina smiled happily. “Thanks Dad! I can’t wait to become educated further. I feel really accomplished with everything I did. It’s really empowering for me to have done all that I have considering I am a former slave with no formal schooling. I want to do this so that I can help out other slaves, just as I was helped.” Katarina said.

“That’s great Sister. It will be so great to help others. God will be very happy to see you give back to this world in a way that does not involve killing. I am curious, are you interested in getting married at all?” Karin asked.

Katarina hesitated. “I…I don’t know Karin. I am really looking forward to being a free and single girl. I’m really looking forward to finally getting to have my own life and not have to worry about anything. Maybe if I found the right man I’d consider going that route, but as of right now, I just can’t picture myself getting married.” She answered.

“I can relate to that. I don’t know about either of you but I would be perfectly happy if I never went on another adventure. Everyone here knows me. I enjoy the simple things in life. I am not so sure I want to give them up ever again.” Brenin said.

“Are you sure man? I mean it can be fun to go on adventures. You sure you are never going to fight again?” Chevez asked.

“I’m not saying never again. I am just saying that right now I am not sure I’d want to. I mean why should I really worry about stuff like that?” Brenin began. He looked to Chevez. He looked to Mr. Baaning and then Katarina and to Rebecca. He finally turned to Karin. He took her hand and smiled gently at her. “I love you.” She whispered. Brenin took a deep inhale. Karin smelled like cherries

Brenin then looked back at Katarina. “I really am happy with everything as it is right now. I’ve got cherries, and that’s all I really need.”

Edited by spectre2300, 10 October 2010 - 01:29 PM.

[spectre2300]

Ending credits OST:

Dramatis Personae:
(In order of appearance)

Jordan Miller: (Born: Unknown-Died: April 8, 2221AD) The husband of Jennifer Miller. His cowardice sent the world spiraling into chaos.

Jennifer Miller: (Born: Unknown-Died: March 7, 2221 AD) The madwoman whose lust for power sparked the event known as The Extermination.

Brenin Diethelm: (Born June 19, 3735AD) Known for his incredible intellect, Brenin inadvertently set off the events of The War of the Snake. This lasted until the death of Lamia Libitina at his hands.

Karin Baaning: (Born September 18, 3736AD) The wife of Brenin. His love and support throughout his entire ordeal.

Whilhelm: (Born March 10, 3700AD) The Banning family’s loyal butler.

Lars Baaning: (Born July 24, 3698AD) Professor of Sociology at St. Gregory’s University, later president. The father of Katarina and Karin.

Karl and Andrea Diethelm: (Karl: Born September 24, 3699AD-Died December, 1 3740AD. Andrea: Born May 5, 3705AD-Died December 1, 3740AD) Brenin’s mother and father. Both died in a car accident.

Fredrick and Ellen Helmson: (Fredrick: Born August 9, 3702AD-Died June 3, 3753AD. Ellen: Born April 15 3704AD-Died June 3, 3753AD) Brenin’s father’s sister ad her husband. His caretakers in childhood following his parent’s deaths

Mardella Bresis: (Born: July 2, 3734AD-Died May 9, 3755AD) Slave of Fredrick and Ellen and later Brenin. Always was attracted to him but was bound by the confines of slave and master.

Krista Bresis: (Born February 16, 3710 AD-?) Slave of Fredrick and Ellen. Later freed in their will. Mother of Mardella. Presumed to have died in the war.

Master Gorden: (Born: Unknown-Died April 7, 3755AD) Brenin’s martial arts instructor. Taught him and Brendel)

Lamia Libitina: (Born August 5, 3735AD-Died: November 5, 3758AD) Also known as The Snake Queen. She followed in the footsteps of Jennifer Miller. Her lust to conquer the world became known as The War of the Snake.

Brendel Scarbin: (Born March 30, 3735AD-Died: August 24, 3758AD). Rival of Brenin and Cousin of Lamia. Served as her chief advisor.

Cornelius Vellicor: (Born October 9, 3708AD-?) Chemistry expert. Mentor of Brenin. Invented truth serum known as “Gut Spiller” Gave Brenin the only existing copy of the formula. Presumed to have died in the war with his fiancée, Krista Bresis.

Katarina Gerhold (Born January 12, 3734AD) Daughter of Lars Baaning and Elizabeth Gerhold. Given to Wulf Gerhold after her mother’s suicide. Sold off as a slave to a gladiator camp. Later purchased by Nicholas Tarkoff, educated and freed. Life long friend of Brenin and leader of world wide resistance against Lamia. Has been known by the following aliases: The Blonde, The Pure Spear Knight, Aloisia Moirae.

Wulf Gerhold (Born: Unknown-Died November 15, 3734AD) Brother of Elizabeth Gerhold. Was given custody of Katarina following her suicide. Sold Katarina to settle gambling debts. Kept the money and never paid the debts. Was found and murdered.)

Nicholas Tarkoff (Born: May 27, 3700AD) Former Russian military. Retired to The Badlands after his service. Purchased Katarina Gerhold so she could be educated and later freed. He continues to do this same service for other slaves.

Elizabeth Gerhold (Born May 20, 3702AD-Died July 8, 3734AD) Mother of Katarina Gerhold. First wife of Lars Baaning. Developed Post-Partum Depression following birth of Katarina. Died by suicide in pool.

Alberto Chevez (Born: December 28, 3732AD) Former member of Mexican military group Desert Sunlight. Sold as a slave after Lamia’s takeover. Freed by Katarina Gerhold. Became her second in command in the war.

Christoph Erdman (Born June 12, 3732AD-Died June 19, 3758AD) Sold as a slave to settle debs, later instigated a rebellion. Freed by Katarina Gerhold. He fought with her in the war. Was killed in the Battle of The Black Hills.

Darius Serafen (Born: February 3, 3729AD-Died August 25, 3758AD) Son of a slave trader. Was sold off himself to settle debts. Freed by Katarina Gerhold and served with her during the war. Executed as a traitor following a discovery that he was giving information to Lamia.

Antonio Gurrera (Born: April 20, 3730AD-Died November 3, 3758AD) Strong man skilled in combat. Named Lamia’s grand general. Let many campaigns in her name during the war. Killed in a cage match by Katarina Gerhold

The Four Horsemen (Born: Unknown-Died November 3, 3758AD) Known by the names, Death, War, Plague, and Famine. Professional assassins hired by Lamia. All killed in raid on St. Gregory’s.

Erika Rathnait (Born: September 20, 3740AD) Member of The Successors. Was nearly sold off as a slave until rescued by Katarina Gerhold. Now one of the Wisemen’s Council

Polard (Born: Unknown-Died November 3, 3758AD) Minister of Propaganda to Lamia. Died in raid on St.Gregory’s

Rebecca Diethelm (Born October 17, 3757 AD) Daughter of Brenin and Karin.

Queen Angelique (Born: November 16, 3695AD) Queen and ruler of Dorete

Adrian Von Brauner (Born June 4, 3715AD) General under Lamia. Surrendered American forces to Katarina Gerhold following Battle of York County

Lucrecia Libitina (Born: February 12, 3707AD) Mother of Lamia. Sold off after Lamia began her quest for power.

Mario Adalina (Born: Unknown) Weapons maker for Lamia’s army. Came into ownership of Lucrecia Libitina at unknown point in past

General Theris: (Born: October 4, 3710AD) General under Lamia. Later promoted to grand general after Gurrera’s death. Surrendered all remaining Libitina forces on November 5, 3758 ending the war.

Written by:
Dan Vetrano


Editor in Chief:
Jill Ratzan

Music By:
Dan Vetrano

Produced and Directed by:
Dan Vetrano

Special Thanks

Jill Ratzan: Thanks for correcting all of my errors and putting up with my badgering about getting comments and about the music. I’m glad I was able to give you something to keep your mind stimulated.

To all my readers: Thank you for your support: I feel that this story has a bright future.

This story is fictional: Any resemblance between the characters within and any real persons is unintentional and coincidental.

Another Eden: The Lost Paradise

Edited by spectre2300, 04 March 2011 - 10:17 AM.

[epsilon217]

Good story as always spect. Now all you need to do is write a part 2...but this time don't forget the acid spitting aliens!:)

[Mewthree1989]

Well done. This is a really great story. Hope you get it published. :)

[namesake]

The climax was satisfying to me. I liked the cherry line, it was a fresh take. And it looks like there is a happy ending.

My interest was good reading it as the dialog was likable. There also seems to a sense of completeness. Nothing to add.

To get this published requires patience, editors are strict. I have a feeling any criticism you get will be helpful. But you did a lot of things right. I think the internet will get you acquainted with that. Good luck, and remember you did write well but sometimes people can be picky especially with all the reference material out there. Looking foward to your next work. I sincerely know this is a good effort but the editors want everything by the book. Good luck getting this published.

[spectre2300]

Thank you, thank you!!!

I do want to look into publishing but first on my horizon is a much needed break.

I've already got a few new ideas for stories I want to write. One of which does involve Lost Paradise. Specifically Katarina. She sort of became the breakout character for this one.

[namesake]

Well, you are taking a break? I have done that plenty but you've been prolific. I already started going to some other forums which is a good idea if you want a second opinion.